100

This is my one hundredth post! Now, drop the urge to start lecturing me on how this-would-have-happened-a-long-time-ago-if-you'd-just-apply-yourself-and-spend-more-time-on-the-internet-and-less-studying, and just enjoy it!

My initial idea was to do ten top tens of images from my blog's past, but that seemed too... predictable. Instead I will do eight top somethings. Well, maybe I will split that into two posts so you don't get bored.

Without further ado...

The Top 7 Best Winks

7. Winks are just plain nerdy when you are reading.

 That book was about art history too, I think that makes it even worse.

6. Accidental wink

So kill me, it was really sunny out!

5. The stray bang wink

May I deem the stray chunk from my bangs a "bang"? I do this a lot. And for all my (someday?) international readers, I'm talking about "fringe."

4. The wink that arises when you can't smile (REENACTMENT)

Damn, that's sexy.

3. Winking with GUNS

And horns for that matter. This is a pretty quality wink. As you can see, folks, the man has committed his entire body to the wink, even if he is a tad crazy about Christmas.

2. Winking with headgear

Wow, Brian, another classic move. When my photography teacher saw this one, he said it was one of his favorites because you looked so "coy." 

Drumroll... (yes, of course there is going to be a drumroll before every one! And I want to see you slapping your knees before you read them.)
1. My specialty: unflattering winks

Read 'em and weep! No wink can top this one in jankiness!

What's next? I suppose, since this is an omellette related blog and all, we should go with:

The Top 4 Eggs

 4. Classic egg(s)

 Aww, this is from one of my first posts, that's why it's so itty-bitty. And what a gorgeous picture of those white domes, courtesy the artist.

3. Decorative egg

In Middle School we had "Exploratory Day" and I signed up for a class on how to make these decorative eggs. It is a complex process involving crayons and knowing which color is darkest. Needless to say, I did not make this particular egg.

2. Not sure why my family owns this egg nicknack.

Don't you wish nicknack was spelled knicknack?

Drumroll...
1. The most eggciting egg. (What did you eggspect in an egg countdown?)

Delicious.

Okay, so maybe I was a little desperate when choosing these countdowns. I was trying to be creative or something! You know, out of the box...
But that leads to my next countdown of course. 'Twas a planned insecure rambling.

The Top 9 Faces of Desperation 

 9. Apparent unibrow desperation

Otherwise known as very little chin desperation.

8. Costume desperation

In the next few minutes you will find that this particular type of desperation is widespread among animals, human-animals, and human-foods alike. Costumes just aren't as fun as one would think.

7. Costume desperation is real, everyone!

It was very cold, I had nothing else to wear.

6. Indecisive desperation

  After all, what's a wee girl like myself standing in front of an eagle picture supposed to do?

5. I'm too old for this desperation

Not even dalmatians could cheer me up at this party.

4. An extraordinary case of costume desperation

3. Clenched neck desperation

2. Zoomed in desperation

The bulging eye is what brings this face up to number two. It's not your typical bulging eye but a prime example where the eye we see to our right bulges just a bit more than the left. Actors: study this.

Drumroll...
1. You're taking another picture? desperation and outdated glasses desperation

This one is an instant classic. I think the jumper makes it all the more successful. Winner! Mom, I would totally link to your blog right now if you had one.

I know you are all anxious for one more countdown. Put on your reading glasses for this next one. There will be some fine print, if you know what I mean.

The Top 10 Glasses

First eggs and now glasses?! I know, right? That's just how it is around here, the party never ever stops.

10. Harry Potter, beloved

Hoodwinked again! I know you all thought I would put Harry at number one, but as the first movie is not very good, you were WRONG.

Suckers.

9. Anthropology professor glasses

Not bad, Harley, not bad.

8. Reflective glasses worn by sweaty people

This blurry, shiny, unflattering thing was taken on a rickshaw in India. How can it not be number 8?

7. Smart glasses

Without these extra large peepers, I'd be nothing next to the wise owl. Instead, I stare him down like it's nothing! And for 19.95, these brilliant-makers can be yours too.

6. Justine glasses

Justine eating quesadilas beats most glasses pictures.

5. Creative glasses

Doesn't the phrase "turn that frown upside down" mean anything these days? Artists: study this, you are expected to dress up for gallery openings.

4. Puns

It's just juice, stop freaking out.

3. Anime glasses

... in the cornfield!

2. Really hip glasses

I will also accept "cool" and "rad."


1. Cutest glasses-wearer ever (sorry, Brian)

There's more where this came from! So I hope you liked it! Comment? Follow? Plus one? (Whatever that is.)

My Boyfriend is Having an Affair...

... with CHRISTMAS.

You heard me. I know it's only  October 25th, that's how I know it's an affair! Follow along, people!

Anyway, Brian has always loved Christmas.

 

[exhibit A... and B]

It's just that this year he has started a little bit early...

[look at him sweating in that Christmas outfit!]

I mean, it's not like the guy doesn't have good reasons for loving Christmas. His choir puts on a fantastic concert, for one thing. Oh, and his family has CRAZY (but awesome) traditions, most notably Cookie Baking Weekend. 

Cookie Baking Weekend is exactly how it sounds. The whole family gets together and bakes hundreds, possibly even thousands, of Christmas cookies. This includes wearing matching aprons, antler headbands, and listening to a constant mix of Christmas tunes.

The first time I joined, Brian asked me if I had any suggestions for the Christmas playlist. I hesitated, then said, "Silent Night?"

This became a joke with the family because they probably had five different versions of Silent Night on the playlist already. What they were looking for was suggestions of songs from specific Christmas albums. Whoops. 

The only Christmas album I know is Harry Connick Jr! It's my mom's favorite.

Anyway, there are many types of cookies made--some I had never even heard of before. Like rossettes, these crispy, fried things shaped like flowers. Spritz is another kind, shaped like 3D trees and wreaths that you get to shoot out of a pump (compare it to a Play-Doh toy, that's what it reminds me of at least).

I suppose the best part is decorating sugar cookies. (Note that each cookie must be decorated in a special way, according to tradition.) We get to draw on hundreds of them with different colors of frosting and sprinkles. And because it's Christmas, there is no ugly pile, just a to-eat pile. 

By now you may have discovered something. I like Christmas too. 

 

[caught in the act]

We practically share a name, for crying out loud! 

(When I was 8 or 9, I tried to make my friend a Christmas card. I accidentally wrote "Merry Christie!" on the front. She gave it back saying, "I don't want to marry you, Christie!")

Now where was I?

Oh yes, Brian is slipping away! He is thinking about ornaments and snow and how my family always sings Christmas carols before we open presents. I mean...

[suspicious]

You see, Brian is cheating. He can't be excited for Christmas before Halloween! Just because Christmas is only 2 months away, just because Christmas means desserts and sparkly lights, just because it's going to be
awesome,

festive,

and pine/cinnamon-scented...

doesn't mean he can break the rules! 

Right?

Actually... I think Brian wins on this one. I'm (SORT OF--IN A HEALTHY AMOUNT) excited for Christmas now.

Congratulations, champ.

Grotesque Dog Kennel Stories

WARNING: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE TO LOOK AT LOTS OF LITTLE THINGS IN ONE PLACE, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ ANY FURTHER. I have put a non-offensive opening picture, just in case you want to turn back.

[My cute yet un-photogenic pup, Fraser made it on the wall paper at work. Not fair that he's next to that slutty Lassie model-dog though.]

Before I get to the real meat of this post, let me add this:

Before we got Fraser, all we had was a print-out of a picture my aunt and uncle emailed us of him. My sister and I weren't very excited, because we thought he look ugly. 

Luckily, our shallow hearts were stilled when we learned how cute he is in person (or should I say in canine?).

Anyway...

During the last few weeks of work, box elders invaded. 

And I really mean invaded. They were everywhere, crawling, creeping; their very existence was both disgusting and offensive. Especially when you see a big bundle of eggs, bright red baby bugs, and adults swarming on each other in a big clump of horrible.

Little did we know it was just beginning. 

Lauren and I took some down time to research them on Wikipedia. 

We learned they are attracted to the box elder tree. They feed on it. 

[Of course, we have one right by the office. What did you expect?]

[Are you as repulsed as I am by these pictures?]

After relaying to us that the bugs burrow behind siding over the winter, Wikipedia finally offered a small ray of hope:

"These insects can be killed with a dilute mixture of soap and water."

Ah, what a glorious utterance!

Lauren and I took out the garden hose and some dish detergent and went crazy--warrior style-- on the red beasts.
Now, you can't tell in pictures how dead they are, but just imagine the mass of red going from a chaotic movement to a moist stillness.

[again: gross.]

We killed millions that day (or at least hundreds) but our victorious battle did not end the war.

A week or so later, after we had been suspiciously out of dish soap for days, Lauren used her lunch break to buy four brand new bottles (two green apple and two orange, if you were wondering). 

It was a wonderful killing once again. Our soap soldiers got three times the kills, and we even had leftover dishsoap to donate to the ol' dog kennel. 

[Of course... they are still out there... biding their time.]

I must say that killing infestations of bugs is a very satisfying way to spend one's afternoon.

Anyway, here is a tranquil picture to calm your nerves after this horror story.

It was taken in Cannon Falls this summer with Brian:

Top Ten Things I Did in the Last Ten Days

Hello all! School is busy and my social life is just bursting at the seams. ;)
So this will be brief, then I can get back to those papers I need to write. This is the topic I have been bringing up to everyone and their grandma for sympathy because it sounds so extreme. I have five major papers to write by next week. There, I said it! Some of you have already stuffed your ears with it before.

So what have I done if not blogged?
(No particular order.)

1. High School "Reunion" at Space Aliens
I went back home for a night to visit some friends (you know who you are... that is, if you even read this... moment of awkward insecurity) and we ate at Space Aliens, the small barbecue/pizza chain that is decorated to match its name... times ten (numerical theme). My waitress was a girl from high school. We were not friends in high school so no one broke the ice and said "hi." Thus she served me the entire time while being smushed with elephant-in-the-room-esque awkwardness.

 [speaking of aliens, Stephen Hawking is kind of boring when he narrates a show about them.]

2. Task Party aka organized chaos
Oliver Herring, a famous German artist, came to our school! He used to knit strange things constantly, but now he makes videos, photo sculptures, and Task Parties!

[here's a photo sculpture, this one wasn't at our school, but look--it's a bunch of small close-up photos glued together!]

The Task Party was the most fun though. Picture this: a large room strewn about with random art supplies and surplus items--from glitter to cardboard to metal tins and feathers to balloons, etc.--with a bunch of nerdy art-lovers and the command to simply make and do "tasks," no other guidelines. So first you draw a task from the big box, do it, and then write your own.

Examples:

• dress up like a pirate
• build a human pyramid
• call your dad and say "hi"
• construct a nest
• protest something
• walk around the room with a hotdog in your mouth
• throw glitter at a stranger
• etc.

What does it look like, you ask?
Well, everyone ends up in stupid costumes and such, so it ends up looking something like this:

[dramatic re-enactment]

3. CONTROVERSY Party
It was for the Sociology/Anthropology/Reconciliation Department, okay? Least controversial event ever, in the history of the world probably. Though I will admit it was more fun than I expected. Besides, my team won Political Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

4. Decided China is awesome
Justine's aunt Cliss has been to so many countries--India, China, and Japan. She spoke about them at some women's retreat and we went to see her. She spent the most time in China--3 years-- and after hearing all of the stories, now I reallllllly want to go!

5. Painted world turtle
Almost completed a painting that is about a Native American creation story where the land is just the back of a giant turtle. I made the turtle a tortoise because they are the cutest of all turtles and resemble grumpy old men. (Awww!)
Stupidly, I have no picture of it now.

Some day. Someday. Sumday.


6. Used an antique printing press
So--correct me if you already know this--Minnesota has an AWESOME handmade book center and it is about 8 minutes away from campus. How cool. We went there for class and got to find little lead letters in a big font drawer. Then we put them backwards and upside down on a little holder thing. Holder thing had a part called a "knee," while letters have "feet." Said holder thing was then inked and put onto the press, where a huge roller smushed ("pressed") it and printed out titles! So cool. It was also in a rugged, cave-like basement that was historically built as a flour barrel factory (cough cough, notice all the flour mills on our skyline).


7. RAISED A YOUNG TURTLE
Yesyesyesyesyesyes.

[wook at the widdle biddle!]

[baby waby tuwtle]

[oooh, painted]

[shmo smainted!]

Found the little guy in the parking lot after a rainstorm. Saved him by bringing him to a muddy cattailed area by the lake. I figured keeping him would not  really be saving him since Justine and I got bored of our last pet (Jibs the hermit crab) and gave him away to preschoolers.

Still, it was fun while it lasted. Brian came too*even though we were almost late for lunch. We ran up when the gate to the dining center was closing and I had to use my smooth diversion skills** to get us in. Barely!

*his hands are in the latter three pictures

**aka begging and telling the overly-nice guy that we just found a turtle

8. Enlightened others about Tootsie Pop Flavors

 [seriously though, how many licks?]

In my opinion, artificial banana is one of the lamest candy flavors known to both man and beast. Tootsie Pop Co. does not agree. I gave the one I got for "Thank-you-student-workers Week" to Brian, who also had never known of its rare existence.

9. Crawled and viewed art
 The good ol' St. Paul Art Crawl was this weekend. Brian and I walked through a bunch of galleries and apartments to see everything from chalk-drawn tigers and wooden magic wands to really fancy photography and huge paintings.

10. Tripped while sitting!! --less dramatic version
So this may or may not have happened to me before. Okay, it was in calculus class (AP thankyouverymuch) where I somehow fell off my chair by tripping. It is a mysterious phenomenon that not everyone has experienced.
I did it again today--and screamed--but I caught my balance before falling anywhere.
This photo may sort of kind of like a little bit, explain what sit-tripping is like.

[100% pure terror]

See you again soon I hope! If not, I will simply be here, complaining about my papers to those who do not read my blog.

p.s. FAILED tripping re-enactments. (aka "yes, it took 5 takes to get that terrible shot")

 [pooping?]

[HEAD]

[oddly sexual :/ ]

[dinosaur]