Leaving (A Pun*)

I've been trying to think of something to blog about for a LONG time. Today, it seemed like I had to think of something, because I have been borrowing a fancy camera from school for a sculpture project. (Maybe I will show you later.)
The fancy camera did not give me any fancy ideas, but it did made me want to take pictures.

So I took pictures while raking. Yeah, I know.

I'm hoping you'll be forget how cheesy this post idea is when I tell you that we have massive mobs of leaves in our yard.

(Lots of trees. That's where leaves come from.)

[I hope comparing it to a human scale will help you fathom the size of this leaf pile.]

Technically we were bagging already-raked leaves, but you get the point. I found the perfect opportunity to take a break when I decided to get a picture of Fraser trying to find his ball in the leaf-pile. 

Hopefully all of you are just as PSYCHED about this as I was. Imagine you love this dog, it is a fantastically warm fall day, and you are holding a (borrowed) $1,000 camera. 

Now are you psyched?

[so... he was moving, but check out the detail in the leaves.]

[the word "frolicking" may just be appropriate here]

[two butts, no faces]

Eventually he found it somewhere in the center. 

You may not have known, but I am an exquisite dog-photographer. (At least with this camera I am.)

Don't worry, it may seem like my brother

and mom

were doing all the work, but I can assure you I helped after this. (It still counts as helping if they told me I was a bad leaf-scooper.) 

(Oh, and it still counts if Kevin was a better leaf-packer than me. So there.)

Will this picturesque autumn scene hold your attention?

Or do I have to give you a preview of my sculpture project instead?

[make that two previews.]

*Raking leaves and the fact that I left campus for the weekend are what make this title such a brilliant pun. You're very welcome, people who just don't understand. 

Grotesque Dog Kennel Stories

WARNING: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE TO LOOK AT LOTS OF LITTLE THINGS IN ONE PLACE, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ ANY FURTHER. I have put a non-offensive opening picture, just in case you want to turn back.

[My cute yet un-photogenic pup, Fraser made it on the wall paper at work. Not fair that he's next to that slutty Lassie model-dog though.]

Before I get to the real meat of this post, let me add this:

Before we got Fraser, all we had was a print-out of a picture my aunt and uncle emailed us of him. My sister and I weren't very excited, because we thought he look ugly. 

Luckily, our shallow hearts were stilled when we learned how cute he is in person (or should I say in canine?).

Anyway...

During the last few weeks of work, box elders invaded. 

And I really mean invaded. They were everywhere, crawling, creeping; their very existence was both disgusting and offensive. Especially when you see a big bundle of eggs, bright red baby bugs, and adults swarming on each other in a big clump of horrible.

Little did we know it was just beginning. 

Lauren and I took some down time to research them on Wikipedia. 

We learned they are attracted to the box elder tree. They feed on it. 

[Of course, we have one right by the office. What did you expect?]

[Are you as repulsed as I am by these pictures?]

After relaying to us that the bugs burrow behind siding over the winter, Wikipedia finally offered a small ray of hope:

"These insects can be killed with a dilute mixture of soap and water."

Ah, what a glorious utterance!

Lauren and I took out the garden hose and some dish detergent and went crazy--warrior style-- on the red beasts.
Now, you can't tell in pictures how dead they are, but just imagine the mass of red going from a chaotic movement to a moist stillness.

[again: gross.]

We killed millions that day (or at least hundreds) but our victorious battle did not end the war.

A week or so later, after we had been suspiciously out of dish soap for days, Lauren used her lunch break to buy four brand new bottles (two green apple and two orange, if you were wondering). 

It was a wonderful killing once again. Our soap soldiers got three times the kills, and we even had leftover dishsoap to donate to the ol' dog kennel. 

[Of course... they are still out there... biding their time.]

I must say that killing infestations of bugs is a very satisfying way to spend one's afternoon.

Anyway, here is a tranquil picture to calm your nerves after this horror story.

It was taken in Cannon Falls this summer with Brian:

Herr Korbes: Behind the Scenes

The making of Herr Korbes was filled with much excitement!

1. You may have been happy that the character "Cock" was represented by this fellow:

       
when he could have been represented by so many other awkward things. Didn't stop my mom from making a vibrator joke though. That wasn't very fun.

2. Notice how I changed my house number.

Now, all the thousands of creepy people who secretly read my blog can't find me (You know who you are!). More importantly, I used the number to foreshadow the punch-line of the story. According to biblical Jewish tradition, Mr. Korbes might just be a very bad man.

 [hooray for Photoshop!]

3. Fraser (a.k.a. my dog) is not very sympathetic to art. So he ate Hen just before she was shooting her last scene. Not really sure if frozen chicken nuggets are good for dogs, but he seems okay now. 

[He also gets in my pictures. Why I oughta!]

4. Under no circumstances should anyone take a picture of her own butt. This picture:

was going to be followed by a close-up, but it turned out to be a disaster. My mom doesn't have the patience to focus my camera and I couldn't see anything!

[Can you even see the pin? In my pocket for zero pain.]

[Flash. Also a fail.

[WTF?]

5.That was not the only attempted special effect that went awry. Before settling for the final shot of Korbes passed out on the ground, I tried to take one of him actually being hit with the grindstone. Not the smartest idea when you are the only one there with your mom on camera.

Luckily I didn't just throw it up and get hit; instead I tried to balance it on my head and assume a pose that made it look like the moment of impact was captured.

Another fail.

[?]

6. Proof that I do my own stunts:

[in the final version my hand is gone]

In case you didn't understand, here is a breakdown of that picture:

[better?]

By the way, that mis-aimed water sprayed all of the kitchen for this shot. 

7. I looked up a grindstone on the internet and thought there was no way I could find a stone shaped like this:

Or this:

[obviously hasn't existed since primitive times]

Until I noticed something in my garden this afternoon...

Look at it, just sitting there, next to a regular rock. "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just a rock that looks exactly like a grindstone. Actually, I really am an antique grindstone, but WHATEVER I probably wasn't a good enough actor to be in you post. Asshole."

8. The final behind-the-scenes-super-exclusive-bonus-moment I have for you is a comparison. My mom thinks me in a mustache looks like my dad in the 90's. You be the judge:

[note: this was also during the stage where I didn't know how to smile for pictures. more on that later.]

VS.

Finally, Right

I am back. Sorry guys.
So what have I been up to, you ask?

• quitting my janitor job (that would be job #4) after this week, when I stupidly agreed to a bunch of hours to make extra money
• appointments galore! molar removal consult, doctor (diagnosed with a tonsil lithe.... hm), eye doctor, chiropractor, chiropractor, clearly far too many.
• hanging out with Fraser the puppy

 [this boy is hard to get a picture of!]

[okay, kind of.]

[then he got all interested in what the camera smelled like. WTF.]

• opening my rather massive, heavy bag of scrapbooking things for project India

• breathing in the toxic fumes of wood stain/varnish constantly (at work and home)
• working! That was a dumb idea.
• You know what I should be doing though? GOING OUTSIDE!

Here are some pictures I've taken since I last blogged. Don't worry, this won't take long.

Decided I wanted to paint some icicles and started photographing them on a random car. Just as I was finishing up, a guy was walking the opposite way on the path, giving me the strangest look. I ignored him and started walking away, then realized it was his car. 

[don't steal a car until you count its icicles]

Brian and I took a walk on the lake while it was warm but still snowy. 

 ["bye snow, I will only kind of sort of miss you."]

[these were on the side of a school building, no one gets hurt]

[I totes tried to paint this, but the sun didn't work out the same]

NOW too go outside! Well... after I eat :]

Doldrums

Today I mostly shot the breeze,
and missed.

A bit of a snorefest, really. A regular blah, blah, BLAH for ya.

I did get to go sledding for a short time in the morning, but after that I sat down to do homework.

[nose in a book]

And do homework. And do homework.

And get nowhere because I chose to sit in front of the TV the entire time.

[boredom and monotony arrive to greet me]

So I ended up doing practically nothing.

And taking a nap despite the healthy 8.5 hours of sleep I received last night!

[snoozemania 2009: featuring ZZZ and the snore-o-ramas]

Well. I got a little snippet read. Woot.

And hey, Pavan K. Varma, if you're reading this, don't be offended, okay? You are a good writer, especially for an English-as-a-second language writer! You use a few words I don't know, and the only mistake I've seen is the extra commas you add to numbers over ninety nine thousand (1,00,000). Congrats. And, hey, there are lots of facts and ideas I was oblivious to! Like how corrupt the Indian government is, the fact that Indians tend to be good entrepreneurs (only 3% are formally employed, the others are self-employed, like shoppkeepers), and the way Indian schools encourage fact memorization over creativity. Oh, and how Indians have a goddess and god for material wealth--so different from Christianity!

It's just the fact that I did nothing else fun today.

[delirium sets in]

But, did you know my camera can take panoramas? Me neither! Until now, that is! Here is the magnificent one I shot of my bedroom:

[notice the amazing-ness of my interior designer skills. thanks, Trading Spaces!]

Oh, and I also got a new computer battery (hooray, and yay, and yeses!) but I realized that the packaging for heavy duty electronics like batteries SUCKS. It is that horrible thick plastic that seems like it will cut your scissors in half. I got a cut from that bastard!

[i know what you're thinking: youch!]

Of course, I have no right to be a full-blown crab-apple werewolf jerk.

Christmas was good.

[my grandma's preteen-sized tree + presentopia]

So, goodbye and good bye, everyone! Tomorrow will surely be more exciting, right?

P.S. Animals of the Christmas Season:

[Brian's dog, Maggie, who loves to be dressed up--something that goes against what i thought was the very nature of dog-ness]

[Fraser, my own nosy, overexcited pup]

[my grandma's cat, Honey. fattest, laziest cat since Garfield was actually funny (long ago) who keeps being fed simply because "he always wants more food" as my grandma says.]