Monday, July 12, 2010

Christie's Family

Now, you asked for more memory box hilarity so I am going to deliver.
You're welcome, is what I say.

When I was in preschool my teacher had us look in a magazine and cut out models who looked like members of our family. Sort of a lame project idea, but I'll show you mine anyway. We glued the cut-outs on a house-shaped piece of white paper that said _____'s Family. Then we practiced writing everyone's names next to their picture.

[obviously the red marker areas were done by my teacher]
Leafing through the 90's magazines with glossy photos of models, I found the perfect headshot to represent my dad:
[is this the Brawny man??]
Brown hair, blue eyes... no one could look more like my ol' pop. Well, the bleach-colored teeth and extremely square jaw might be a little off.
What my dad really looked like in the early 1990s:
[in his defense he wasn't always wearing that hat]
Oops, guess I forgot about the mustache and glasses as well. Can you really blame a four-year-old?
With my mom, I was a little further off the mark:
Once again, I got the hair color down,  and even the skin color... but everything else, not so much.
What my mom really looked like in the early 1990s:
Did magazines in the 90s discriminate against individuals with short hair and glasses or was I just stupid? 
You're welcome, mom, for the very flattering picture of you.
I'd like to point out that I failed twice for my mom. After choosing that picture, this is how I wrote her name: 
[ohh... kay.]
Now Kevin was still a baby (as seen in above photo) so his was easy:
[still unexplained: why I scribbled on him and why my teacher thought his name was "Calvin"]
Hey! Not bad! All babies look the same, right?
What Kevin really looked like in the early 1990s (again):
[I guess that kid was always tanner than me]
He's the baby, in case you weren't sure. He might be redder than the baby in the magazine, but come on you know they Photoshop those models!
When it came to choosing a picture of myself, I got a little cocky:
[yes, I looked like a 24-year-old African American model when I was 4]
Not only did I choose a picture of a taller, more mature, better dressed (kind of) woman; I also wrote my name as "Cal." What the hell
Maybe I really really like the name Cal/Calvin. So much that I wanted it for BOTH me and my brother. 
What I really looked like in the early 1990s (again):
Other than "we are both females and human--I guess," I cannot find one physical similarity between myself and this model.
Wait! I've got it--we both closed our mouth in our picture! Brilliant.
Now, after this mishap my teacher should have stopped the project, but she continued to push me and I chose this cut-out to represent my little sister Marina:
[yes, this is real]
I don't think we really need words for this one. 
What Marina really looked like in the early 1990s:
[whoops, guess she wasn't a black man.]
I was such a cool four-year old. 
Maybe the real lesson here is that magazines do not reflect reality. What a surprise. Ha.
Before I go, I have a quote or two from my childhood to share:
Technically, I was five at this time, but I still think it fits. 
Another one I'm pretty proud of is this,
" 'Hi Mom!' said Christie as she raced into the room. "
In case you weren't sure, I said the whole thing, not just the "Hi Mom" part. This was one of those times when my mom started to wonder if she read to me too much.


  1. Really it was, "Mom I said as I came running into the room." First person text! I was wondering if we had been reading a little too much!!

    Oh my gosh, that family picture and your comments are so funny!!! I was literally laughing so hard I was almost crying!

    I think Dad and I looked like those models to you! We can see what you thought of yourself~ and then the picture you chose to represent yourself!!! Priceless Christie.

    Just so you know, Kevin was only tanner than you in that picture because he had a little jaundice (very common, makes you look a little yellowish. That probably looks tan next to our beautiful ivory skin!)

    Well now I am going to read your last post-I'm falling behind!

    By the way, who could ask for a cuter plaid shorts outfit!!!!
    (Thanks for not commenting on that or my cool haircut-hahahaha)

  2. I dunno; I've always pictured Marina as a black male teenager.

    And Brenda, let me just say that you are STYLIN' in that picture. Side profile, glasses the size of Rhode Island, and what seems to be a shirt depicting what plaid looks like under a microscope...GIANT SQUARES!! And are those side pockets I see? Speechless.

  3. By the way, for the word verification I had to type for that last comment, they gave me "spowca." I'm pretty sure that's the name of the hat your dad is wearing in that picture.

  4. Oh Christie, I rarely laugh all by myself in a room at my computer, but this was flippin' HILARIOUS!! I'll be re-reading it on those days that I need a good laugh! SO very funny! I LOVED it!

    Oh by the way....when Brian was about that age he said that I was as pretty as Cindy Crawford and that I sang as well as Mariah Carey. Isn't it wonderful how love is blind (and deaf) in children?