1. You may have been happy that the character "Cock" was represented by this fellow:
when he could have been represented by so many other awkward things. Didn't stop my mom from making a vibrator joke though. That wasn't very fun.
2. Notice how I changed my house number.
Now, all the thousands of creepy people who secretly read my blog can't find me (You know who you are!). More importantly, I used the number to foreshadow the punch-line of the story. According to biblical Jewish tradition, Mr. Korbes might just be a very bad man.
[hooray for Photoshop!]
3. Fraser (a.k.a. my dog) is not very sympathetic to art. So he ate Hen just before she was shooting her last scene. Not really sure if frozen chicken nuggets are good for dogs, but he seems okay now.
[He also gets in my pictures. Why I oughta!]
4. Under no circumstances should anyone take a picture of her own butt. This picture:
was going to be followed by a close-up, but it turned out to be a disaster. My mom doesn't have the patience to focus my camera and I couldn't see anything!
[Can you even see the pin? In my pocket for zero pain.]
[Flash. Also a fail.
[WTF?]
5.That was not the only attempted special effect that went awry. Before settling for the final shot of Korbes passed out on the ground, I tried to take one of him actually being hit with the grindstone. Not the smartest idea when you are the only one there with your mom on camera.
Luckily I didn't just throw it up and get hit; instead I tried to balance it on my head and assume a pose that made it look like the moment of impact was captured.
Another fail.
Look at it, just sitting there, next to a regular rock. "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just a rock that looks exactly like a grindstone. Actually, I really am an antique grindstone, but WHATEVER I probably wasn't a good enough actor to be in you post. Asshole."
Luckily I didn't just throw it up and get hit; instead I tried to balance it on my head and assume a pose that made it look like the moment of impact was captured.
Another fail.
[?]
6. Proof that I do my own stunts:
[in the final version my hand is gone]
In case you didn't understand, here is a breakdown of that picture:
[better?]
By the way, that mis-aimed water sprayed all of the kitchen for this shot.
7. I looked up a grindstone on the internet and thought there was no way I could find a stone shaped like this:
Or this:
[obviously hasn't existed since primitive times]
Until I noticed something in my garden this afternoon...
Look at it, just sitting there, next to a regular rock. "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just a rock that looks exactly like a grindstone. Actually, I really am an antique grindstone, but WHATEVER I probably wasn't a good enough actor to be in you post. Asshole."
8. The final behind-the-scenes-super-exclusive-bonus-moment I have for you is a comparison. My mom thinks me in a mustache looks like my dad in the 90's. You be the judge:
[note: this was also during the stage where I didn't know how to smile for pictures. more on that later.]
VS.
Oh my gosh Christie, even though I was there, this made me laugh so hard! Or maybe it's because I was there and you described it so accurately.
ReplyDeleteMy giggles started with remembering the vibrator joke. You know you're 21 now, you should be able to handle it (heehee!)
Thanks for pointing out my inadequacy as a photographer-you know I didn't get paid for that or anything!!
The resemblance is clear in the final 2 photos. I'm sure your other followers will back me up on this one! Just looking at that makes me laugh so hard!!!!
Oh yeah and the grindstone!!! When I saw your first picture of it I was thinking, "Hey we have one of those!" and then there it was in the next picture!
ReplyDeleteThat is pretty funny because I never knew what it was, Dad just acquired that one day. Maybe he found it at the farm. We should ask.
He also brought home the round/oval rock sitting next to it that is rather unusual. So if you ever do a story about a dinosaur egg or something, here's your prop!
This is hilarious. My favorite is the one where you're trying to make it look like you got hit in the head with a rock.
ReplyDeleteI'm 21 too, brenda, but I still don't think I can handle that vibrator joke from you. :)
and you do look like your dad. i never saw it until now. the mustache makes all the difference. :)
By the way, I'm currently catching you in the process of changing your header. Every time I reload the page there's something different. :) I feel your pain, but it'll be worth it in the end!
ReplyDeleteWho has two hands and is pointing to a blog whose header lines up with their body and sidebar?
ReplyDeleteTHIS GUY!!
Great, show me a good story with a dinosaur egg and I will start right away :).
ReplyDeleteGlad you like my new design!
Christie, the more of these I read I am beginning to be convinced that you are just plain crazy! I would love to be in your mind, you know, like the fly on the wall.... I could be the fly in your brain, just to see how it works. You are amazing! Keep'em coming!.
ReplyDelete