Sunday, August 8, 2010

Dirty Dog

As you may know (ok, so all of you do know because you all know me, but I can dream an anonymous follower will visit!), my blog is named after my previous summer job at an omelette factory.

This summer the egg-heads rejected me, and I was in lingo. I kept you in the loop about my telephone book delivery job, but I've now been working at a doggie boarding kennel for a month in a half and I have yet to post a peep about it!

There was one attempt to photograph how dirty I get, but after a few failures I chose the shower instead.

[FAIL- at winking and getting a good photo]

No dirt, but a whole lot of weird showed up in that picture. So I tried again, with the timer:

[nice loose strand of hair, nerd.]

Okay, if you look closely, maybe you can see a few smudges...

...but there is still more weird in this picture than dirt-evidence. 
(Added failure: now my bed has DOG GERMS on it!)

Anyway, that sums up my long excuse for not posting about the dog place earlier.

Let me tell you about the boarding kennel (slash doggie-daycare) that is "GrandPaws." Cute puns are not the only fun thing about working there! 
I get to pet dogs for most of the day. Honestly. The rest of the time may be spent feeding them and cleaning up poop, but the experience is still fun, overall. 

Still, there is a misconception I think needs clearing up. I do not spend all that time petting dogs because the job is boring or slow. I spend all that time petting dogs because it is a vital part of the business. 

You see, when a person drops their dog off at a kennel with a nice big yard and lots of other dogs, they expect their pup to go running out there instantly, making friends and playing games. Even if the person working is cleaning or helping a customer, the dogs have each other, right?

[note the dog that was accidentally drawn over a clump of grass]

Maybe it's because dogs are pack animals, but also (hu)man's best friend. The pack believes it cannot function without me--it's Alpha-leader-gal. 

The following drawing is much closer to real life--viewed from above:

[I'm the one in the middle, in case you couldn't tell.]

Yes, somewhere in the process of domesticating wolves, petting, playing, and creating the game of fetch, we have made these animals believe they are dependent on us. 
(To further the point, Fraser is staring at me waiting for something to happen this very moment.)

Grandpaws has a kiddie--I mean doggie--pool and dirt, so naturally the dogs get pretty muddy. Then they jump all over you and you get muddy. 
Feel free to make a drumroll noise as I reveal (slightly better) pictures of how dirty I get after a day of hard work... drum drum-drum drum...

[not homeless]
[how this happens, I'm not sure]

Oh and I also got some brilliant material for anyone in the market to make a soap commercial!

Does your skin get dirty after a long day's work? Do simple things like playing with the dogs or gardening take hours to wash off? 
Not any more!

With {insert soap brand here} your skin will look as fresh as a newborn piglet! 

Soap-makers, you have my permission. Don't fight to much, finders keepers losers weepers is the working rule.

Editor Note: That photo is a close-up of an elbow. It is NOT a hairy leg, real piglet, man leg, or gigantic finger. It was taken at a weird angle which is why it tapers off so strangely. When I first posted this, it seemed so obvious what it was. Looking back, explanation should have been offered. 


  1. Well, the pictures don't really show how dirty you get but good attempt!

    I loved the line 'fresh as a newborn piglet!' It will be the slogan for a new soap "Oink" It will get you so squeaky clean you'll be squealing, "Wheeeee" all the way home!

  2. This is hilarious. I especially like your drawings.

    One thing that's bothering me: Which part of your body is photographed in the last two pictures? At first I thought it was your leg, but you would never let the hair grow that long. It's your arm, right? But that's just confusing. What part of your arm? And why does it taper off in the last picture like a leg? I'm really having problems with this.

  3. THE UNKNOWN BODY PART IS BOTHERING ME TOO! At first I thought it was a leg....but GROSS...a HAIRY leg! I didn't think you would have hairy legs but I never actually took the time to look at your legs...hairy or not. And then I thought "hmmmm. Maybe is an arm near the elbow area" but if that's the case your elbows aren't very well-defined. (Never paid much attention to your elbows either.) So, then I started wondering if your rented a piglet and took a close up shot of a dirty pig with a clean strip on it. (That would explain the hair.)

    BTW: Love the aerial view of you and the dogs.

  4. Okay okay, I added a note to please you. And no, my legs are not that hairy! Even when they are hairy, they are not that hairy.